A Little Pizza Sophistry

Headline of the day, from the Metro:

‘Cheese-snorting’ pizza staff charged

Two Domino’s Pizza staff who posted a video on YouTube showing one of them stuffing cheese up his nose and breaking wind on a piece of salami have been charged with distributing prohibited foods.

Kristy Hammonds, 31, and Michael Setzer, 32, have also been fired from the branch of the chain in North Carolina where they worked.

They could argue that’s not fair. There’s no proof they use that cheese and that salami to make pizzas afterwards, so technically they’re in the clear, despite their behaviour being disgusting to any decent person.

What do you mean, that’s a specious argument? It works for Jacqui Smith.

If Clarkson’s Comedy Then I’m A Banana*

I do like a bit of close to the edge humour, but even I was shocked at the truck-driving segment of last night’s first episode of the new Top Gear series.

During a truck-driving challenge segment one Mr J Clarkson made repeated referrals to lorry drivers murdering prostitutes; presumably it was an allusion to Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper and the recent murders of sex workers committed by an Ipswich lorry driver.

Watch video.

Haha, how very droll I thought; no doubt HGV drivers watching are equally underwhelmed.

It seems so:

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has prompted more than 500 people to complain to the BBC about a joke he made on Sunday’s motoring show.

Clarkson, 48, was taking part in a lorry-driving task, when he joked about lorry drivers killing sex workers.

“Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day,”

he said.

The BBC said the joke had made “ridiculous an unfair urban myth”.

Lorry driver Steve Wright was jailed in February for killing five prostitutes in Ipswich.

Clarkson’s joke, made before the watershed, has now sparked 517 complaints.

But a BBC spokesman said that by Monday morning – before the incident had been reported on by newspapers and websites – there had been 188 complaints.

Sunday’s programme, which aired on BBC Two at 2000 GMT, was watched by around seven million viewers.

In a statement, the BBC said: “The vast majority of Top Gear viewers have clear expectations of Jeremy Clarkson’s long-established and frequently provocative on-screen persona. I think it’s a sacking offence to make light of the murder of anybody, never mind prostitute women who are vulnerable and criminalised .

“This particular reference was used to comically exaggerate and make ridiculous an unfair urban myth about the world of lorry driving, and was not intended to cause offence.”

No, it never is, is it?

This will no doubt be spun as another Ross/Brand-type media-manufactured attack on the BBC, but while not denying there was an increase in volume of complaints following media interest, nevertheless the complaints are entirely justified; Clarkson’s ‘joke’ was crass, puerile and just not funny. Making a joke of murder is bad enough but why pick on lorry-drivers? John Wayne Gacy was a part-time clown; does that make all clowns potential monsters?

Oh. Maybe better not to answer that one.

Nevertheless to traduce women, sex workers and lorry drivers in one brief, dumbass sentence takes a special type of Clarksonian insensitivity – the boorish, classic car driving, act like it’s still 1953 and your kind still rule the empire type of insensitivity. He’s not got very good antennae for modernity or shifts in the zetgeist, has he? Yes, we do expect that of him and it is part of his well-established persona: but that doesn’t mean he gets to be a complete arse on the public’s penny without somebody objecting.

Prostitutes and lorry drivers pay the license fee (and his grossly overinflated 2million in annual wages) too.

[*Why a banana?]

Sunday Morning Read

If you’re looking for the ‘awwww’ factor this morning and have a soft spot for cats (which of course you do, you’re reading this blog aren’t you?) try this lovely story by Gwen Cooper at Salon about Homer the world’s bravest eyeless cat, who fought off a burglar:

…There was some faint light streaming in through the blinds from the streetlights outside, but Homer was all black and eyeless, rendering him completely invisible. I could tell, though, that he was close by, somewhere on the bed. I sat up and reached over to flip on my bedside lamp.

The first thing I saw was Homer, standing in the middle of the bed, puffed up to about three times his normal size. His back was completely arched, and every hair on his body stood straight up, his tail bristled and stiff as a pipe cleaner. His legs were set wide apart, and although his head was tucked down low, his ears were at full attention. He moved his head and ears evenly from side to side with the precision of a sonar dish. His front claws were extended farther than I’d ever seen them, farther than I would have thought physically possible. His growl continued, low and unbroken—not completely aggressive yet, but a definite warning.

Beyond Homer, standing at the foot of my bed, was a man I’d never seen before in my life.

What happened next? Read the whole thing.

When Hypnotists Attack!

From news site NineMSN.com.au:

Two Indonesian job seekers have been fooled into having their faces tattooed in order to receive non-existent government jobs.

The pair had their faces permanently inked after village chief Sawiyono told them he had received a text message from a government official offering them work as Jakarta intelligence officers.

The official, who said it was a job requirement to have their faces tattooed with dragons, was later discovered to be a hoaxer — but not before Nanang, 30, and Bambang, 40, had already undergone the painful and disfiguring procedure.

The three men believe the anonymous trickster was a kind of “mystic”, as they didn’t feel in control of their actions when following his strange instructions.

“I was half conscious when the shop owner tattooed my face, and didn’t think it was a con,” victim Bambang said.

More…

I wonder if that Paul McKenna‘s on holiday anywhere nearby?

He’s A Man With A Plan…

..got a counterfeit dollar in his hand, too.

In reply to Larry Elliot’s new daily column on the economic crisis a commenter points out the utter pointlessness of UK Chancellor Alistair Darling’s belated bank rescue ‘plan’ :

cojock

Oct 07 08, 3:05am

What is being missed here is that even if banks do start lending again to other banks, against their better judgment, it doesn’t solve the problem, which is that bank capital was only part of the capital which supported the bubble of credit now deflating increasingly rapidly.

Banks outsourced huge amounts of credit risk to investors through the mechanisms of securitisation; credit derivatives (essentially a time limited guarantee); credit insurance and toxic cocktails of all three.

Even if banks’ balance sheets were restored – which they won’t be – and even if they lend at the same daft levels of “gearing” – which they won’t – there is still a vast capital hole which can only be filled by governments.

This deficit-based system of monetisation of credit is finished – and we must thank Mr Greenspan for bringing forward its inevitable demise several years.

The alternative to credit is a new approach to”equity”, using non-toxic alternatives to the Corporation as legal frameworks for investment in assets of all types, Public and Private; commecial, social or charitable in aims, and whatever the legal form.

Not only are such alternatives now possible: they are emerging in the UK and elsewhere, simply because such “unitisation” actually works better than conventional “equity”…..

I agree: the corporate model must die. Mutualisation is going to be a word we’ll be hearing a lot more of and believe it or not the Conservatives are ahead of the curve on it. Strange days indeed.

But wonky discussion of possible future economic models doesn’t answer today’s essential question – ‘Is my money safe right now‘?

Martin is sensible and banks with a Dutch bank – he’s safe, they were nationalised over a week ago. I bank with RBS, which has teetered on the cliff-edge of insolvency while Darling dithered. The answer to that question for me, as for many other British people, is ‘Who knows?’

Now finally, after a over a week of cowardice and indecision, at 5am today Darling came up with a plan; it’s a plan that’s that’s neither fish nor fowl, neither nationalisation nor a full guarantee of British banks, but a half-assed waste of 50 billion pounds that will give a thousand pounds for every woman, man and child in the country to incompetent and greedy billionaires, with few guarantees for the taxpayer.

Darling was aided in this by his Economic War Cabinet – these people:

Lord Mandy… one of the world’s foremost authorities on dodgy self-cert mortgage financing
Lord Drayson… a man well known to BOM readers for his keen understanding of markets, and the price of everything
Lord Myners… a man who is fully versed in the dark arts of short selling British bank stocks and who has produced a veritable shedload of official reports
Lord Helpus… a man who has always fancied a peerage

OMG. Mandy, two of those notorious Labour donors, and Lord Helpus. It’s a re-run of the National Economic Development Council, an entirely useless talking shop finally abolished by John Major in 1992.

So New Labour ‘s blinded by the bankers again, giving away taxpayers’ money even as those taxpayers lose their jobs and homes. For many this winter it’s heat or eat.

But can anyone protest at this government stupidity, profligacy and incompetence? No, they’re doing it whether we want them to or not. Our opinion is irrelevant.

At least the Americans got to protest a bit about the theft of their money before it was stolen. Parliament has had precisely nothing to say, let alone the voters. If this is a democracy I’m a banana.